Wednesday 5 October 2011

To sleep or not

The internet is a wondrous thing, and it keeps me up at night. Well, not always, but sometimes it does. Like now. It's 3.04am and I am surfing youtube videos, watching some crazy shiz, weirdo and weirder-o doing weird things. I'm also reading the news, following people on Twitter and deleting emails of adverts that offer me low cost scuba diving lessons and one-hour go karting. I am intrigued by the go-karting and toy with the idea of taking it up, but clearly realise that it's a momentary fantasy to be removed from my mind at this very moment. There. Gone. No go-karts. As for scuba diving... too much effort.
I need to get back into writing. I have been writing sober (like it's a good thing) for a good 3 or 4 months. My short film is still in post-production and the thought of getting into a new short film, or anything else creative, gives me an odd feeling, like I'm cheating on my husband. I'm not even married. That's because artistic projects are like babies that you nurture and care for, that you love unconditionally, even when you know every little fault, every little inherent defect they carry. In Naples they say "ogni scarrafone é bello a mamma sua" (every cockroach is beautiful to his mother), and that is not to say my short film is a cockroach, but even if it was I'd love it like my own child. And I don't have kids either, but you get the gist. I think my short film will look pretty good, and I would like to get on a new project, develop some ideas that have been bouncing around my head for a while, churn out some new, but I feel I can't. Not yet. Not until this short film has seen the light of day. I guess it's sort of physiological here... one can't get pregnant again until the other baby pops out.
Still, I am suffering from a little artistic withdrawal, or it's more like artistic repression, and that's what's keeping me awake. I watch stuff that other people make and think that I need to get a move on, explore ideas, run wild with all the crazy stuff I have inside me.
Fine. I'll go to bed. At least I can achieve something in dreams.

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